we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize