I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
