i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize