just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
