he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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