in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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