i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
