I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
