my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
