She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
