shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
