You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
