hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
