bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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