hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
