Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
