drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
