i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
