I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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