11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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