Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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