Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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