If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
