he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
