Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
