he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
