Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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