Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
