dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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