One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
