well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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