Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
