You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
