Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
