I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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