I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
