You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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