Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
