oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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