How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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