She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
