Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
