yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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