it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
