There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
