So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
