I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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