apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the day after is always just damage control
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
