Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
