found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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