Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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