Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
