woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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