Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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