so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
