sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
