hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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