I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
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Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat