Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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