You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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