At least make sure they are 18
Why
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just invented taco cereal.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
