I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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