why didn't you poke me back
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
