new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
