i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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