Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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