What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
