my vag is so smooth its legendary
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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