the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
