no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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