Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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