I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
