Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
