Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
