I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
