dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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