just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
