fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
