The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
