I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
