a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
